Divorce is a chaotic time for all involved. This includes not only the changes for the spouses, but also the upheaval in the children’s lives. The spouses can often feel powerless during a divorce, as the process can be lengthy and how the future will look often depends on the decisions of a judge. Children can experience even stronger feelings of powerlessness, as they are not involved in the decision to divorce at all, and typically are not involved in any of the rest of the divorce process. If you have children and you are facing divorce, there are some techniques you can employ to try to keep your children as happy as possible.
First, avoid making any negative or derogatory remarks about your soon to be former spouse in front of your children. You and your spouse may not love each other anymore, but your children love both of you. Making negative statements about your spouse around your children can make them feel conflicted. Moreover, constant mean remarks tend to ultimately backfire on the parent making those statements as children grow and can recognize the toxicity of this type of behavior.
Next, while allowing your children to voice their reasonable preferences for a visitation schedule is appropriate depending on the age of your children, it is never appropriate to ask your child to make the ultimate choice or to “decide” between the two parents. You and the other parent need to work together to co-parent the children, which includes making the ultimate choice on the child’s schedule.
Third, consider going to family counseling. A family counselor or therapist can help your child articulate the difficult emotions surrounding the divorce and separation. This can often mean you will then have a better ability to assist your child process the situation and transition into the “new normal” of post-divorce life.
Finally, allow your children to continue being children. Do not put your children in the middle of the divorce by venting your financial concerns or asking them to pass messages to the other parent. Children thrive on stability, and part of that sense of stability is derived from seeing their parents as having the ability to deal with the divorce.
We have helped many clients through difficult divorce involving custody issues. Call us today to discuss your children and your goals.
Are you interested in seeking an annulment? If so, contact Williams Law Group, LLC right away. Our family law attorneys will review your case to determine if an annulment is an option. If it is, we will guide you through the process and ensure you make the best decisions for your future. Call our office at (908) 738-8512, email us atinfo@awilliamslawgroup.com, or contact us through our confidential online form to schedule a consultation.
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